The United States Postal Service is out of money, in large part because of the generous pension entitlements enjoyed by its employees. Trimming the workforce seems like a long shot because of the no-layoffs clause in the postal unions’ contracts (nice work if you can get it, huh?).
What to do? No worries. Congress has just the ticket.
Senators … suggested the postal service develop a national marketing campaign to encourage people to send more letters. “You cannot get money by text message,” Sen. Claire McCaskill (D-Mo) said, perhaps unaware that Visa is working on a service that lets you do exactly that. “I really think that there is a longing out there right now, especially in these uncertain times, for some of the things that have provided stability over the years.”
Yay stability! Let’s bring back steam engines! Also, rotary phones! Damn Internet, with its essentially free, instantaneous delivery of any information that we care to send.
The demise of the postal service is really our (collective) fault, don’t you know. I mean, when’s the last time you had a declaration of love delivered via a 44-cent stamp? Good thing we have the Senate to remind the American people of their failings.
Sen. Joseph I. Lieberman (I-Conn.) chimed in, recommending, “We should be writing more passionate letters to those we love.”
For those with memory spans of less than five years, headline explanation here.