• Flying cleric sexually assaults airline passenger.
• God-loving student, intent on disproving atheist talking points, gets stabby with a pen.
• Bible inspires devout Seattle mom to attempt a circumcision with a boxcutter and pliers.
• Allah being a wicked prude (I guess), British Miss Universe contestant must die for the intolerable crime of wearing a torso-covering one-piece swimsuit topped with a sarong.
• Catholic bishop sexually assaults his five-year-old nephew, then goes on national TV to explain it was a lovely “little piece of intimacy” and that the boy “didn’t seem to mind at all.”
• Rabbi sodomizes young woman during couples counseling, comforts her by saying “It’s good that it happened with me, otherwise you would have cheated on your husband with another man.”
Happy Passover, everyone!